Creative Fulfillment: The Quest

this is one of my senior pics, 6 years ago.

i've never really considered myself a creative person.  it mostly stemmed from the fact that i wasn't creative in the ways that are regarded as creative when we are young.  children who are labeled as "creative" are generally artistically so, whether it is in painting, sculpture, or music, etc.  my sisters, especially my little sister, were both more inclined towards the arts than i was.  i participated in art, i'm talented enough, especially musically. participation isn't the same as creation though.  creation is making or organizing something in a new, original, or innovative way.  participation is the proliferation or performance of something previously created.  

now, all of this isn't to get down on myself because i wasn't gifted similarly as others.  in fact, i feel like i am growing to know my creative side.  this blog, for example, is an expression of my creativity.  i am creative with words, ideas, abstract thought.  i am witty, and situationally funny.  i create skilfully in many different ways, and i recognize that now.  in fact, all of us are creating our own lives, whether consciously or not.  i strive to live on purpose, so the my life is the creation i want it to be.

my photographically creative lil sis took this one, about 2 years ago

but post isn't about that stuff either.  i love music.  like i said before, i've been performing musically my whole life.  i've done choir, musicals, solo performance, bands, etc.  these days, i choose not to perform in choir(except in church), or in musicals.  the time required for those things is prohibitive.  i would play in a band, but i haven't been able to put one of those together.  instead, i play my guitar to myself in my room.    i like learning new songs.  i like playing stuff other people made.  i also like writing music.  it isn't something that i feel confident in.  i like playing in bands because i can write a part, and contribute one single thing to the whole, one of the reasons i choose to play bass.  trying to write a song on my own is frustrating.  i have written a myriad of intros and single verses.  i've written several songs all the way through, but just the guitar part.  i've only written one song with guitar and vocal parts.  i thought it was horrible.  playing the guitar part, i liked that.  for some reason, my verbal creativity abandons me when i try to couple it with melody.  for some reason, my most experienced performance instrument, my voice, is unwieldy and weak when i try to come up with something new.  i am not sure why, but it makes me want the comfort of a band, so that i can contribute to something i respect as a whole, without having to bear the whole burden of creation.